Your family is a part of who you are.
They have been with you from your very beginning and thus impact the deepest part of your sense of belonging, psyche and emotional structure.
When there are rifts in the family, it can cut you to your core.
Your self estimation, perception of yourself and self value are adversely impacted when your family system is out of whack.
Your biggest challenge in this life is to reconcile with who you truly are and, sometimes, family isn’t the solid rock that you have always longed for it to be.
Healing your relationship with yourself in relation to your family is your biggest quest throughout this life.
Everything you strive for, wish for and work towards is dependent on your dealing with this primary objective AND you will be dealing with this for the rest of your life.
A healthy balance with family is required to make the highest progress.
Healthy distance from family is useful in finding your individual bearings, however, once you’ve established this, the next step is finding out how to connect with them while maintaining your center within.
There is no right or wrong in the family, just unconscious behavioral programming based on hurting, wounding and trauma.
Blaming, scapegoating, self denial, repression are only distractions and delay tactics that keep one in the victim/villain loop. Compassion for yourself and others is key.
Seeing yourself (and the other person) apart from the unconscious negative programming is vital to your liberation.
Remember, the person is NOT their behavioral patterns. Seeing this will greatly increase your capacity for having compassion for yourself and for them.
Compassion is ALCHEMY!
Remember, you are learning to love, respect and honor yourself and your family while maintaining your own healthy boundaries and perimeters.
You are being called to love others without allowing them to walk all over you.
Firmly committing to your requirements for connection is true self love – for your self and for them.
Here are some personal inventory questions to ask yourself :
1. How do I see myself? How do the individual members of my family see me?
2. What are their expectations of me? How do these clash with what I expect from myself?
3. Who am I in relation to my family? Who am I apart from my family? Is there a way to bridge the gap and allow both of those to exist simultaneously and in harmony? Think about the automatic patterns that arise when around family or that originated in the family.
4. What roles have I unconsciously agreed to take on in relation to my family of origin? What roles have my parents taken on with me? How can I release myself and them from those roles? What would happen if we were released from those roles?
5. Where am I stuck in my life? How is my unhealed family dynamics influencing this? What is the turn around for me to release myself from the family programming and move forward in a way that is aligned with who I am?
Question? Comments? I’d love to hear from you.